I guess I should’ve realized this is who he is months ago.
We were good friends for a while. About 7 months ago, he said he was developing feelings for me. A little while after rejecting his romantic interest, he got very drunk and called me a bitch. He said he’s so glad he didn’t date me because anyone who does would have to be severely mentally ill to tolerate me.
I cut him off initially. He apologized, and since we are in the same friend group, I slowly forgave him and things mostly went back to normal. One time does not a pattern make. But I didn’t forget.
Fast forward to now: he tells me all about his dates – except he complains about every single one. He’ll comment on how stupid they are, they can’t carry a conversation, they talk about such meaningless things.
He’ll complain a girl had weird tattoos, another had a “basic white girl” job , another poured too much whiskey for him and he just *had* to drink it all. And god forbid a girl wants to hang out without having sex – he’ll complain that she’s too clingy.
Turns out, he also changed his age from 24 to 26, because he feels much more mature than girls his age and wants to find older women, since all his “crazy” exes were his age.
Of course, the common factor between all these dates is him. Dating sucks and it takes a while to find that deep connection, but it’s pretty telling that he will never say one positive thing about the women he goes out with.
But the biggest issue was last night. He texted me asking how accept a booty call from the girl he’s been going out with the last week, but then decline her request to stay the night. He then says he can always start fake crying and lie to her that he has emotional trauma about someone staying in his bed.
He knows I’m an SA survivor. I don’t joke about trauma related to relationships or sex. And I certainly wouldn’t fake having it just because I didn’t want a date to stay the night.
It’s just manipulative and gross. Everything my friend says about women he’s interested in shows that he really doesn’t respect them .
And what’s awful is that I don’t know if I should confront him about it. I almost feel like it’s not worth it since he has shown he doesn’t fully respect me. I also don’t want to strain the friend group by “causing drama” – especially since I’m the only one that takes issue with his behavior.
It’s not my job to educate him on how to be a decent human being. Recent events have got me thinking I should call him out, but I also don’t want to be berated again. It feels like a balancing act at this point.
Input or advice would be so appreciated!