I’m at a breaking point

I have never wanted kids and Ive always known this. Everyone in my life knows this about me too. I don’t want to be around them either. Its miserable.

My mom retired in the country. We were really close and I really enjoyed going out there to see her.

Then my deadbeat brother got his girlfriend pregnant. We told them they wouldn’t want to be parents and that it was a mistake to have a child together. They didn’t listen.

A few months ago they dropped their baby off at my mom’s house for her to watch him “for a few days.” Now it’s been 6 months. They don’t even reach out to ask about him. Not even on his 1st birthday. So it’s pretty obvious that they don’t intend to come back and get him.

My mom can’t do anything for herself because he demands constant attention. Everything revolves around the child and his schedule. If I ever want to hang out, she has to bring the child with her. It’s always,”well I’m not sure what I’ll do with child.” We can’t go on vacations anymore or even out to eat without bringing him. I hate going out in public because I don’t want people to think he’s my kid and he causes scenes like most kids do.

When I come out to visit my mom will ask me to babysit so she can get things done. Or she will ask me to do this or that for the kid. I want to help my mom because she’s done everything for me but I don’t want to help with a child at all. I have told her this too but she still does it.

My mom feels like she has to give this kid a good life. My brother is in prison now and the girlfriend is always high so it’s not like we can give him back to them.

I have realized that our lives will never be the same again and it’s really making me depressed and angry. I feel like I’m grieving the life that I used to have. I already resented my brother for bringing this kid into our lives but I’m starting to resent this kid to the point where I don’t even want to be around my mom anymore because I don’t want to be around kids. I know I sound like an asshole, but I’m not sure what to do. I love my nephew, don’t get me wrong, but everything just sucks now.

I wanted a childfree life and I feel like that has been taken from me even though he’s not my kid. I feel like a terrible person and no one understands this situation so I can’t talk to anyone about it. Any advice?

I’m at a breaking point