“The Kids Want You To Do Their Makeup.”

And that’s when I cancelled my plans and said I felt like I came down with something.

It’s a curse that kids love me. I can’t stand them. There are a few I actually like because they’re over-the-moon well behaved, but how many is that, like, 3? Out of how many kids total?

My best friend knows I hate kids: she’s heard my disgust for them, and seen my annoyance and anger with them. She knows how serious I am when I don’t want to be around kids or babysit them. She knows my patience runs thin with even her kid, yet I always hold back .

Yet, when I’m about to come over, she always is babysitting not only her kid, but one or two of her friend’s kids too. They all love me, and I absolutely HATE it because I’m bombarded by them and I don’t have the guts to say “no.” My friend knows this, yet she always has to text ten to five minutes before I come over, “By the way, the kids want you to play house with them,” or “The kids want to play with your color-changing gemstone necklace. They think it’s magic,” or “The kids are over and they’re in a fiery mood today.”

It’s happened so often, when the kids get in the way and I’m getting these texts, that I’m starting to cancel plans with her or manipulating them so I’m over when all or most of the kids are gone. I can’t even carry a conversation with my friend without her kid and the other kids screaming, breaking stuff, or trying to light shit on fire. My friend texted me what’s in the title above yesterday, and I got fed up. Immediately I made a fib I wasn’t feeling good and only went to my doctor’s appointment. And it was good.

I want to be with my friend without kids around, just for one day. I want to have a conversation with her and a glass of wine, talking about our lives and whatnot. And when I do have to be around the kids, don’t deter me by forcing me to be entertainment or the focal point of their attention.

I love all of my friends, but Jesus fucking Christ.

“The Kids Want You To Do Their Makeup.”