ugh, my dad

just annoyed how much he insists and believes that having kids is the only true end goal for someone, or at least me, and how he refuses to believe for one minute how i absolutely will never have kids and ESPECIALLY never be pregnant. so much so that he just told me to never even talk negative about pregnancy around him. granted hes drunk rn so he was being a weirdo anyway but hes expressed the same views sober as well. he also always says how having kids is what gave him purpose in life as if i havent already found mine. i like art, i *love* creating art in various forms. thats my purpose, man, i dont need to force another human into the world just to feel like i fulfilled a purpose.

and like, even if by some miracle i ever wanted kids, id adopt. i refuse with everything i have to ever be pregnant. but this man cant cope with that fact. hes going to have to when he finally realizes how serious i am about it.

and of course bingo, he keeps saying itll change when i meet ‘the one’. hes one of those guys whos super into the concept of ‘the one’ cause he had that with my mom and i guess thinks everyone will have that. and i guess mine is going to somehow make me want a parasite inside of me and *cant possibly* want the same thing i do. maybe he thinks that im the only person in the world who has this goal in life. ive never exactly been his image of the child he wanted me to be after all, i guess he thinks i just do what i do and say what i say to be rebellious or something

i have many reasons to never have kids and never be pregnant. the only reasons ive ever heard *for* having kids or being pregnant are either vague or just not something i give a single shit about like passing on genes or who cares whatever

its not even like he doesnt have grandkids, he has 2 and even a possible 3rd. he just wont ever have them from me. my parents did always make it seem like it would mean so much more from me than my brothers cause im ‘the daughter’

hes said it a million times that all he wants is for his children to be happy in life yet he never accepts when i tell him what makes me happy because its not what he had in mind. one day he’ll have to accept it. i dont want to have to do what id have to do if he doesnt.

ugh, my dad